Mistakes explained for topic “Importance of Brotherhood”

Ahmad Rayees has written the following paragraph on the topic
“Importance of Brotherhood”

The word Brotherhood is itself a respectable deed. For peaceful and joyful society, brotherhood plays vital role. Brotherhood means to help others especially needy ones and build a common platform where every individual of the society live peacefully and joyfully. With such advantages of brotherhood it also enables us to build a strong society and reduce the social tensions among masses.
It helps us to bulid crime free society because when we help others we feel happy. As almose social crimes whether it is wine business, theif etc increasing because of poverty. In most of the cases poor man take such steps to feed his family. But when this poor man get helped by someone it enables him to live harmonious life. These are some fruits of brotherhood. We should feel proud on it and try to expand it to more areas to reduce social crimes.

The word Brotherhood is itself a respectable deed (use “deed”. For peaceful and joyful society, (use comma after society) brotherhood plays  (vitally :-no word)  vital or important (use vital or important) role. Brotherhood means to help others especially needy ones and build a common platform where every individual of the society live peacefully and joyfulully (joyfully) With such advantages of brotherhood it also enables us to build a strong society and reduce the social tensions among masses.

 

 


My view-
Very well written and practically presented. Good job Ahmad
There are following mistakes:-
Use “deed” in the following sentence
The word Brotherhood is itself a respectable “deed”
Use “comma” in long sentences and full stop, when required.
Vitally – No word
Vital is the word
Never use “Vital” and “Important” together. They mean the same thing. 
Check spelling of “Joyfully”, “Build”, “Almost”
Never start a sentence with “With”
Also Refer the image for the detailed mistakes, you have made.
Thanks

Also Read:-

Learn Prepositions in details – Complete list 

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